Star Trekkin' Enterprise

Enterprising! 100 years before!
Under Captain Archer, across the universe!
Enterprising! 100 years before!
Can't go boldly forward, because we're going first!

Hoshi, report!
ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship, Captain! Starship Captain Johnathan Archer....

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! The Enterprise, Trip!
ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship, Captain!

Enterprising! 100 years before!
Under Captain Archer, across the universe!
Enterprising! 100 years before!
Can't go boldly forward, because we're going first!

Chief Engineer Charles "Trip" Tucker....
COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Oh, damnit, John! You're caught again? Caught again? Caught again?
Oh, damnit, John, you're caught again? Caught again? Jeez!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! The Enterprise, Trip!

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship, Captain!

Your opinion, SubCommander T'Pol...
SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: You're wrong, captain! Such a babe. Such a babe. He's such a babe.
You're wrong captain! Such a babe; fall in my chest again!

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Oh, damnit, John! You're caught again? Caught again? Caught again?
Oh, damnit, John, you're caught again? Caught again? Jeez!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! The Enterprise, Trip!

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship, Captain!

Enterprising! 100 years before!
Under Captain Archer, across the universe!
Enterprising! 100 years before!
Can't go boldly forward, because we're going first!

Polarize the hull plating, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed!
LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: What is a photon torpedo? Torpedo? Torpedo?
What is a photon torpedo? Never heard of that.

SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: You're wrong, captain! Such a babe. Such a babe. He's such a babe.
You're wrong captain! Such a babe; fall in my chest again!

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Oh, damnit, John! You're caught again? Caught again? Caught again?
Oh, damnit, John, you're caught again? Caught again? Jeez!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! Ensign, let's go!

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Oh my god, a bug!

Bridge to Sickbay, Dr. Phlox!
DOCTOR PHLOX: What a unique species! Dinner time! Dinner time! Dinner time!
A unique species! Dinner time! Dinner time! Yum!

LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: What is a photon torpedo? Torpedo? Torpedo?
What is a photon torpedo? Never heard of that.

SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: You're wrong, captain! Such a babe. Such a babe. He's such a babe.
You're wrong captain! Such a babe; fall in my chest again!

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Oh, damnit, John! You're caught again? Caught again? Caught again?
Oh, damnit, John, you're caught again? Caught again? Jeez!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! He must be so proud...

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship, Captain!

Enterprising! 100 years before!
Under Captain Archer, across the universe!
Enterprising! 100 years before!
Can't go boldly forward, because we're going first!

Crewman Cutler, report!
CREWMAN CUTLER: Let's just be friends. Sleep with me. Sleep with me. Sleep with me.
Let's just be friends. Sleep with me. Sleep with me, Phlox!

DOCTOR PHLOX: What a unique species! Dinner time! Dinner time! Dinner time!
A unique species! Dinner time! Dinner time! Yum!

LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: What is a photon torpedo? Torpedo? Torpedo?
What is a photon torpedo? Torpedo? Hey, T'Pol...

SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: Send down a probe! Into me! Into me! Into me!
Send down a probe! Into me! Into me, Trip!

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Oh, damnit, John! You're caught again? Caught again? Caught again?
Oh, damnit, John, you're caught again? Caught again? Jeez!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: My daddy built the Enterprise! Enterprise! Enterprise!
My daddy built the Enterprise! Look, Trip, no hands!

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: I can't talk! I'll screw it up! Screw it up! Screw it up!
I can't talk! I'll screw it up! Screw it up, Captain!

Are you still here, Ensign Travis Mayweather?
ENSIGN TRAVIS MAYWEATHER: Maybe I'll get a line today. Line today. Line today.
Maybe I'll get a line today. Aye sir, Warp 3!

CREWMAN CUTLER: Let's just be friends. Sleep with me. Sleep with me. Sleep with me.
Let's just be friends. Sleep with me. Sleep with me, Phlox!

DOCTOR PHLOX: An alien slug! That's dessert. That's dessert. That's dessert.
A juicy slug! That's dessert. Pass the salt, please?

LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: What is a photon torpedo? Torpedo? Torpedo?
What is a photon torpedo? Never heard of that.

SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: I think I'm going through pon farr. Through pon farr. Through pon farr.
I think I'm going through pon farr. Over here, boys....

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: I'm gonna get knocked up again. Up again. Up again.
I'm gonna get knocked up again. Vulcan condom, please!

CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: I think I'm going to get laid. Finally. Finally.
I think I'm going to get laid. Daddy, where's it go?

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: There's Suliban inside the ship! Inside the ship! Inside the ship!
There's Suliban inside the ship! Ah, but no one cares.

ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: Captain, it's the Suliban!
CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: Polarize the decon chamber!
COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: What, captain?
CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: We're making history with every light year!
COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: You've lost it, John.
LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: They've got some kind of energy shielding!
CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: Oh no, it's the Temporal Cold War!
SUBCOMMANDER T'POL: Captain, they're opening up some kind of rift! Let me demonstrate...
ENSIGN TRAVIS MAYWEATHER: We're getting sucked in!
ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: We're all going to die!
ALL: AAAHHHH!!

BOOM!

LIEUTENANT MALCOLM REED: Sir, there's a large, cube-shaped structure straight ahead.
ENSIGN HOSHI SATO: Incoming transmission!
CAPTAIN JOHNATHAN ARCHER: Put it through the talking message thingy!

WE ARE THE BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

COMMANDER TRIP TUCKER: Awe, crap, did we screw up the timeline AGAIN?!

Enterprising! 100 years before!
Under Captain Archer, across the universe!
Enterprising! 100 years before!
Timidly shot forward, but we were going first!